2017 Miss 500: The Finest Four

Five years ago, Stacy Keibler, Kate Upton, Adriana Lima, and Catrinel Menghia walked into a 500 Section Tournament and walked away immortals.  That was our first Fornicating Four.  Three powerhouse contenders with enough name recognition to make Tiger Woods an alcoholic and one Romanian model that claimed one, albeit stellar, Super Bowl commercial to her name.  Three knowns, one newcomer…and guess who won.  We should have known that since then being a Miss 500 doesn’t depend on big names, big careers, or even big….assets.  Its all about big momentum with the 500 voters (and in Abigail Ratchford’s case, maybe some big time corruption.  But hey, prove it!).

Those were simpler times.  The articles were longer, the work days less full of work, and the submissions much more clunky.  In fact, all submissions were done by “paper ballots” where each voter had to submit their votes on an excel sheet individually.  Thank you PollDaddy for your technological marvel!  But I think we were all a little more naive in those days.  Here are some things I “predicted” about the future of this entire, soon to be more incriminating than James Comey’s notes, operation:

“Nonetheless, Ms. Lawrence is bound to be our Duke for the near future, the perennial contender with well rounded front/backcourt talent, and a strong image off-court image (sans any Men’s Lacrosse reference).  My 2013 smart money is on her.  May the odds ever be in her favor!”

“On paper, Adriana Lima has all the characteristics of your prototypical Big East contender: devout Catholic, Victoria Secret model, Forbes top 5 richest models in the world, Brazilian.  Yet her age (30) and inability to blow out our Disney Cinderella story (4) Emma Watson in the Elite 8 (Score: 7-4), has caused some worry that her better days are behind her, a la Georgetown.”

Yikes. Talk about a desperate need for an editor.  Anyways, like all businesses (even those that like this one turn less profit than every casino that has donned the word “Trump”), we’re in need of a refresh.  Gone is the “Fornicating” and on to the mature “Finest Four”.  Because that’s what we are: mature.

Lady and Gentlemen (cue the Jurassic Park score), welcome to the 2017 Miss 500 Finest Four…

Juli Annee

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Full Name: Julianne Kissinger

Nickname: “Juli Anne” (social media alias)

Drafter: Kyle “John” McLean

DOB: October 9, 1992

Age: 24

Sign: Libra

Place of Birth: Stockton, California, USA

Nationality: American

Ethnic  Background(s): Portuguese and German

Height/Weight: 5’5″ and 115 lbs

Hair: Brunette

Eyes: Brown

Specs: 32B-23-33

Dress Size: N/A

Shoe Size: N/A

Relationship Status: Single, but not alone…(See below)

Most Recent Career Achievement(s): Ugh, being on Instagram and Snapchat?

Special Talent: E-Sports

Favorite Gif(s): I honestly couldn’t fine one…so here’s our favorite Instagram post!

Mainstream Celebrity Comp: Ariana Grande (minus the, you know)

Fun Facts:

* Has a 6 year old daughter, Kylianna (Kyli) (see above)

* Before modeling, was a manager at a frozen yogurt shop

* Has appeared in Sports Illustrated and Maxim

* Has over 4.3 million Instagram followers

* Currently resides in San Diego, CA

* Was “discovered” by fellow Miss 500 contestant Sara Jean Underwood after the latter shared her on Instagram.  Ironic given their 2017 Erotic 8 Matchup…


Miss 500 History:

2012: DNP

2013: DNP

2014: DNP

2015: DNP

2016: 1 seed; Eliminated in Erotic 8

2017 Draft Stats: 2nd Round; 20th overall; 2 seed; Position – Model

2017 Opponents: (15) Demi Rose, (10) Brooke Hogan, (6) Rosie Jones, (1) Sara Jean Underwood

Total 2017 Tournament Votes: 51

Stella Maxwell

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Full Name: Stella Maynes Maxwell

Nickname: Stella

Drafter: Britney “Smokie” Mumford

DOB: May 15, 1990

Age: 27

Sign: Taurus

Place of Birth: Brussels, Belgium

Nationality: Northern Irish

Ethnic  Background(s): Irish

Height/Weight: 5’9″ and 119 lbs

Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Blue

Specs: 32-23-33; 32A

Dress Size: 2 (US)

Shoe Size: 7.5 (US)

Relationship Status: Currently dating since 2016 everyone favorite vampire (and 2012 Miss 500 contestant)…Kristen Stewart!  Our first LGBTQ Finest Four.

Image result for stella maxwell kristen stewart

Most Recent Career Achievement(s): Became a Victoria Secret Angel in 2015

Special Talent: Whatever was going on here…

Favorite Gif(s):

Fun Facts:

* Rumored to have dated Miley Cyrus in 2015

* Grew up in Belgium till high school then Australia and New Zealand

* “Attended” Queen Margaret College and University of Otago in New Zealand

* Currently resides in Los Angeles, CA

* Good friends with fellow model (and 2015 Miss 500 Contestant) Barbara Palvin

Image result for stella maxwell barbara palvin

Miss 500 History:

2012: DNP

2013: DNP

2014: DNP

2015: DNP

2016: DNP

2017 Draft Stats: 2nd Round; 26th overall; 2 seed

2017 Opponents: (15) Logan Browning, (10) Doutzen Kroes, (14) Emily Tanner, (1) Josefine Forsberg

Total 2017 Tournament Votes: 49

Ann Kathrin Brommel

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Full Name: Ann-Kathrin Brommel

Nickname: “Trina B” (her singing pseudonym)

Drafter: Ryan

DOB: December 6, 1989

Age: 27

Sign: Sagittarius

Place of Birth: Emmerich, Germany

Nationality: German

Ethnic  Background(s): German

Height/Weight: 5’9″ and N/A

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Blue

Specs: 32-24-34

Dress Size: N/A

Shoe Size: N/A

Relationship Status: Dating German/Dortmund football star Mario Gotze

Image result for mario gotze ann kathrin brommel

Most Recent Career Achievement(s): Became a Victoria Secret Angel in 2015

Special Talent: Began music career in 2010 under the name “Trina B”.  And yes, she has songs…

Favorite Gif(s):

Fun Facts:

* Favorite books are Fault in Our Stars, Harry Potter, and Eat, Pray, Love.  And yes, she reads.

* Appeared on the 7th season of Germany’s Next Top Model (did not win)

* Began dating her boyfriend Gotze after meeting at a club in 2012

Miss 500 History:

2012: DNP

2013: DNP

2014: DNP

2015: DNP

2016: DNP

2017 Draft Stats: 2nd Round; 23rd overall; 4 seed

2017 Opponents: (13) Balla Yana, (5) Josephine Skriver, (9) Rhian Sugden, (6) Natalie Jayne Roser

Total 2017 Tournament Votes: 46

Elizabeth Turner

Full Name: Elizabeth Turner

Nickname: N/A

Drafter: Mateo

DOB: July 30, 1992

Age: 24

Sign: Leo

Place of Birth: Griffin, Georgia

Nationality: American

Ethnic  Background(s): American

Height/Weight: 5’10″ and N/A

Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Green

Specs: 32-25-34

Dress Size: N/A

Shoe Size: N/A

Relationship Status: SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Good luck everyone.

Most Recent Career Achievement(s): Filed joint lawsuit against Snapchat with her sister over unpaid modeling gigs

Special Talent: Mental Toughness – Attended 4 years and graduated from Duke University with a B.S. in English


Favorite Gif(s): A TIE

Fun Facts:

* Wants to eventually pursue a PhD in Psychology

* Anchor of “Duke Student Broadcasting” for 3 years

* Novice Spanish speaker

* Member of Pi Beta Phi sorority

* Has two cats

* Avid boxing enthusiast (for exercise)

Miss 500 History:

2012: DNP

2013: DNP

2014: DNP

2015: DNP

2016: DNP

2017 Draft Stats: 3rd Round; 46th overall; 3 seed

2017 Opponents: (14) Emily Ratajkowski, (6) Margot Robbie, (2) Yanet Garcia, (4) Olya Abramovich

Total 2017 Tournament Votes: 45


FS1 Style Erotic 8 Round-Up

Here is your updated bracket

2017 Miss 500 Bracket – Erotic 8 Results

SABR Metrics

* Four Models!  And what a balance: Victoria Secret, Instagram, Sports Illustrated, and traditional (or whatever you want to call Brommel)

* Two Blondes. Two Brunettes.

* Two Americans, a German, and the Irish-Belgian-Kiwi Combo that is Stella Maxwell


The 500 Section Sportsbook


Turner  (PK) over BROMMEL

Maxwell (+2.5) over ANNEE


The Finest Four…

Image result for stella maxwellRelated image

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Polls close on MONDAY, 5 June at 900am Eastern


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