500 Winners and Losers from 2017 Golden Globes

Ok, maybe not FIVE HUNDRED, but we’ve got at least a dozen.

WINNERS

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone

These two are peachy.  Not Atlanta Peachy, sadly, but adorable nonetheless.  Emma Stone has come along way since having to plow through a hymen joke scene with Jonah Keri 10 years ago (!!!!!) in Superbad.  But Emma’s rise has been slow and steady, steadily navigating teen comedies, then tentpole Marvel flicks, fringe Rom-Coms, and finally dabbling in the dramatic endeavors such as The Help, Birdman, and La La Land that led to her coronation last night.  Emma Stone is a gem and will now be fighting in the very, very cluttered field of Jessica Chastain, Amy Adams, and Bryce Dallas Howard for America’s Redhead Sweetheart.

Regarding Gosling, the man is more likable than oxygen and a beach week in Australia.  If he and Chris Pratt had a baby, we’d have the Disney World of offspring.  As always, Gosling always wins.

Denzel Washington

denzel-1

denzel-2

Atlanta

Both the show and the city.  Big ups to Southern culture yesterday, with Atlanta and Moonlight taking home the awards in their categories.  Atlanta was by far the best, freshest, funniest, most alluring television show of the year.  Sadly, it lands as well with most of the pasty crowd as Seinfeld does in Memphis.

Jimmy Kimmel

The 500 has never been a fan of Jimmy Fallon.  We don’t get it.  I mean we get it, if you want to see a Corgi chase around its tail in a circle for 90 minutes, The Tonight Show star is your go to for comedy.  But while late night comedy isn’t in a vacuum, we recognize the appeal of that show’s bits, from celebrity pong to lip sync battles to…well actually we don’t get that appeal either.  On top of it all, Fallon just isn’t funny.  He’s the world’s largest celebrity circle jerk with two hands and has yet to make up for softball love fest for Donald Trump last fall.

Fallon’s turn as Golden Globe host was neither Pohler/Fey fun times! or Gervais cringe, but worth it in style or entertainment.  Instead, he disappeared after a flop of an opening for most of the show.  Needless to say, the fact that Fallon was tabbed as the GG host while late night rival Jimmy Kimmel will be hosting the main event Oscars in a month says it all on the Who’s Got More Comedy Talent scale.

Christian Slater

Starring on Mr. Robot as Rami Malek’s on-screen volley partner and a turn on multiple season of Archer have cemented a nice mini-Slaterssance.  His reaction to last night’s Tom Hiddleston WTF/Huh? Moment was just cherries on top.

slater

Felicity Jones

Because Queen Felicity is always a winner. Al. Ways.  #FelicityForever

 

PUSH

Meryl Streep

Yes, unpopular opinion alert.  But in reality, the GG Cecil Whatever Award isn’t that big in the grand scheme of things.  And Meryl wasn’t on the docket for any actual awards otherwise.  Really, her not contending was a loss of society. But, still, fantastic speech and no other admirer of the arts could have pulled it off.

Netflix/Amazon

With all the $$$$ these two companies are pouring into original content, walking away with two acting wins in Billy Bob Thorton’s turn on Amazon’s Goliath and the other for Claire Foy’s Queen Elizabeth portrayal in Netflix’s The Crown, which also took home the big TV drama prize, are no slim pickins.  But again, all that $$$ and for The Crown to be an underwhelming win in a category that is already just conceded to Game of Thrones every year on paper (like how NFL MVP is really just which QB was the best), means this wasn’t an overwhelming leap forward for the two content newbies.

Night Manager

As a fan of Le Carre spy deep dives, the 500 was happy to see some recognition thrown at the Night Manager, even though it seems a bit like People vs. OJ fatigue gave NM an opening.  An otherwise good night was then SCUD missile’d by the show’s lead actor, which we’ll get to later.

Deadpool/Ryan Reynolds

Probably the best quality Marvel movie put out since the beginning of the Marvel-Owns-Hollywood Era, it feels a bit odd that it was left out of the night’s conversation.  Still, Ryan Reynolds wasn’t a complete loser:

Patriot Day/Best Pic Field

La La Land’s table running cemented its frontrunner status heading into Oscars season.  But running up the score might have left jussssssst enough room for a sneak in candidate (either some flicks with some headwind like Moonlight or if January full releases like Patriot Day can $$$ their way to a nom) to at least make it a contest.  But that’s a big if we didn’t get closer to answering last night.

 

LOSERS

La La Land

We’re going to admit full biased on this one.  There’s no long haul airplane with only La La Land and Chinese movies in the seat-back entertainment system in the world that will get us to watch this movie.  Ever.  Nothing about it seems the least interesting and that’s before the entire musical aspect.  If it was Miles Teller in Gosling’s place, we would have accepted the upcoming Trump rescinding of the 1st amendment just to ensure this creation is put to rest.  That being said, it sweeping the GGs is something to behold.  But, it might have shot its wad a little too early regarding the Oscars, ultimately bringing on the inevitable backlash our inevitable backlash society loves to dish.  Still, it has to beg the question, is this movie REALLY something we want to hang on the wall next to the likes of The Godfather and Schindler’s List?

Writers

For the La La Land win for best writing.  Come on.

Jimmy Fallon

See above: Kimmel, Jimmy

Riz Ahmed/The Night Of

While Westworld and Game Of Thrones definitely ate up the HBO budget office’s time more than anything else on television, The Night Of may have been the best run of TV HBO had to offer this year in drama.  Granted, the soggy middle of the season didn’t help matters when trying to insert TNO into the elite contention conversation.  Still, by successfully navigating a crime drama in an era where we have four major national networks dedicating themselves to that goal entirely, The Night Of definitely deserved some recognition.  That goes double for always passed by John Turturro who is almost always the best thing in everything he does and triple for Riz Ahmed who’s turn as the lead of The Night Of and expanded role in Star War’s Rogue One summed up a pretty good year for Riz.  Also, because the comparison is fully un-PC, but unpopular opinion alert #2: Riz Ahmed > Dev Patel.

HBO

Oh yeah, besides The Night Of getting passed on, so did those other two aforementioned almost-billion dollar franchises.

Tom Hiddleston

We’ll let The Ringer’s venerable Allison Herman take it from here:

tom

And with that, we’re on to the Oscars!

 

PS: One last check-in with Queen Felicity

Long Live The Queen!

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