2016 Miss 500 Tournament

2016 Miss 500 Draft

2016 Miss 500 Bracket

2016 might be the year of the woman.  Hillary Clinton is about to become the first female candidate of a major party to run for President (sorry fauxcialist Sanders supporters), Taylor Swift and Beyonce continue to prove there are no bounds to popularity in the internet era, Angela Merkel continues to rule Europe with an ill-fitted suit (and coming off her Person of the Year to boot), gender neutral bathrooms will once an for all end the short bathroom line advantage for men, and the reigning winner of the Miss 500 Tournament is a female.  If only a flutter of orange-ish, greasy hair could save the day…

2016 Miss 500 Draft Awards

5th Annual 2016 Miss 500 Draft Results

Best Round: 1st (14 of 16 seeded, 9 Top 8 Picks)

Worst Round: 1st (10 of 14 seeded, 2 Top 8 Picks)

Best Value Round: 5th (6 of 8 seeded picks are Top 8  seeds)

Kate Upton Award: Perennial Miss 500 contestant Kate Upton failed to make it into the tournament this year.  In fact, Tony didn’t even draft her.  With her absence, we’ve decided to create this award in her honor for the contestants with the most Miss 500 history. This year, we’re down to 3 that have been in the Tourney every year since 2012.  Keep up the good work!

Alison Brie, Amber Heard, and Mila Kunis

Miss Irrelevant: Ivanka Trump

Tom Brady Award: Señor for Catalina Otalvaro, a #1 seed picked in the 5th round

Al Davis Award: Jenny; 1 pick seeded 😦

Bill Belichick Award: Ryan (All 6 picks seeded; 5/6 picks in the Top 8; most votes – 57)

Ryan Leaf Award: Tie – George (Helen Owen; 8th Pick Overall; not seeded); Señor (Carla Quevedo; 2nd round pick, 1 vote)

Carly Fiorina Award: Female drafters for their combined 11 picks (out of 14 drafted) making it into the tournament, a success rate of  79% (as compared to 35% in 2015)

2016 Miss 500 Draft Grades

2016 Miss 500 Draft Grades

The Miss 500 NIT

A quick shout out to those that were drafted, but missed the cut this year:

Liu Yan, Svetlana Bilyalova, Lily Collins, Helen Owen, Demi Rose, Jamie Alexander, Sasha Pivovarova, Jenna Dewant Tatum, Amy Pejkovic, Melania Trump, Taylor Hill, Felicity Jones, Lena Ashikhmina, Elle Gonsavles, Paulina Gretzky, Britt McHenry, Hela Lovekaty, Olesya Senchenko, Ivanka Trump, Lais Deleon, Carla Quevedo, Bella Hadid, Leanna Decker, Natalia Poklonskaya.  And for the second year in a row, thankfully, Tina Fey.

Contestant Nationalities

TRUMP WAS RIGHT!  All-American contestants are DOWN to 31 this year from 2015’s 36.  Even if the Hairstyle in Chief can’t win it at the polls, I trust all of you will make the Red, White, and Blue proud and #MakeMiss500GreatAgain.  As always, we would like to thank Africa and East Asia for not making this contest more colorful than it already is.

United States – 31

United Kingdom – 10

Australia – 5

Colombia – 3

Russia – 2

Afghanistan – 1

Canada – 1

Cuba – 1

Denmark – 1

France – 1

Germany – 1

India – 1

Israel – 1

Netherlands – 1

Poland – 1

Portugal – 1

South Africa – 1

Ukraine – 1

Contestant “Profession”

The Internet is taking over.  And I just don’t mean in terms of print media.  Due to the (obscene) amount of Not Quite Professional Models of Instagram-only fame, we’ve had to create a completely new category for this superlative.  When an internet robot takes over as Editor-in-Chief of The 500 Section, we should all remember this moment.

Actress – 21

Model – 25

Instagram Model – 10

Nobel Prize Winners – 0

Chancellors of Germany – 1

Athlete – 1

Singer – 0

Hip Hop Video Vixen – 1 (God Damn Right)

TV Host – 2

WAG – 1

State First Lady – 1

Adult Film Stars – 1

Emma Watson’s – 0

Contestant Hair Color

Every year, the blondes always start out on top, only to finish too early.  Phrasing.

Blonde – 27

Brunette – 19

Dark – 9

Light Brown – 5

Red – 4 (Stay Strong Gingers)

Conor Marshall Rule Contestants (In Memorium)

Lowest total ever at six (and really only that high because of Señor Vamanos):

Elizabeth Loaiza, Catalina Otalvaro, Carla Ossa, Ana de Armas, Preanka Chopra, Sara Sampaio, Charm Killings, Yovanna Ventura

Team Greg (sponsored by FromRussiaWithLove.com)

A new category for contestants with too many “ski”s and “vy”s in their names.  In honor of our friend Greg’s strategy to go all out on the Russia/Eastern European pool this year, we’re going to countdown how many Eastern imports are left in our contest.  удачи!

Katja Zwara, Anne Vyalitsyna, Lada Kravchenko

Views: Miss 500 Chairperson’s Random Thoughts

Best Seeded Group: The Twos (Natalie Jayne Roser, Nina Agdal, Hanna Ferguson, Abigail Ratchford ).  Then again, the 1’s have the benefit of going up against TWO political ladies.  Carly Fiorina must be pissing herself (but probably not in a gender-neutral bathroom).



Rookie Business

This year, 38 of the 64 contestants are first timers.  Of those who have been around the 500 block a few times before, welcome back!

Amber Heard (4 previous entries) , Alison Brie (4) , Mila Kunis (4) , Katrina Bowden (3), Anna Kendrick (3), Emma Stone (3), Margot Robbie (2), Catalina Otalvaro (2), Emily Ratajkowski (2), Natalie Dormer (2)

Best First Round Matchups

(8) Hannah Davis vs. (9) Mila Kunis

(7) Keeley Hazell vs. (10) Alison Brie

(4) Lindsey Pelas vs. (13) Katja Zwara

(5) Elizabeth Loaiza vs. (12) Rosie Jones


Upset Watch

(13) Anna Kendrick vs. (4) Nikki Howard

(12) Hailey Clauson vs. (5) Ana de Armas

The 500 Section Sportsbook Odds 

Margot Robbie -110

Hannah Ferguson +250

Emily Ratajkowski +300

Catalina Otalvaro +300

Natalie Jayne Roser +350

Lindsey Pelas +400

Alison Brie +500

Alexandra Deddario +800

Mila Kunis +1200

Amber Heard +1500

Angela Merkel +1000000

The Field +250


Round 1 voting commences at 2pm Eastern on Monday, May 2 and will close at 11:59pm on Tuesday, May 3.  Please use the links below.

As always, Happy (Semi) NSFW Google-ing!

The Page 3 Region

The Vivid Region

The Hooters Region

The Maxim Region



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