Chewie, We’re Home: Our 10 Favorite Screenshots of the 2nd Star Wars Teaser

Star Wars 7

Back in January 2013, the nerd-world shifted in their seats a bit when it was confirmed that JJ Abrams was handed the keys to the Star Wars Corvette.  That shifting was a mixture of excitement over some fresh blood injected into a franchise that lost its way not so long long ago and not so far far away.  Then again, feelings are still mixed on the direction Abrams took the new Star Trek films.  Purists were a bit upset at the explosiveness and degree of the special effects that might have taken away the old school ‘fun’ of the sci fi favorite.  Casual moviegoers were just excited they could actually go to a Star Trek film and be able to tell their friends about it.

Comicon panel debates aside, The 500 is fully behind the decision to put JJ Abrams at the helm of one of modern pop culture’s flagships.  We fully admit that Abrams IMDB page so far is littered with TV and big screen productions that are lacking in depth and substance.  Cloverfield and Super 8 were fun monster movies, but didn’t have a need to go beyond will they/won’t they survival techniques to keep our interest.  And the internet has already done more analysis on LOST (even though Abrams was really only involved in the Pilot, which, as Pilots go, is probably one of the best ever made, if not the best) than the Zapruder film.  But while Lucas lost the right to give us the final chapters of the Star Wars space-opera 10 years ago, him and his buddy Spielberg have been cultivating, training and grooming the young Abrams, most likely from a swamp surrounded hut.  And Abrams has picked up a key element that runs through each of Abrams’s projects has been one thing: they moved.

No matter how much of a headache it was to talk about time travel on The Island or on Planet Spock or the feasbility of holding onto to a camcorder (remember those!) the entire night while running through monster and uncontrolled crowd infested Manhattan, these flicks kept our attention.  The characters never bogged down in long dearths of dialogue focused on Jedi Order meetings or Old Republic CSPAN or trade negotiations.  We wanted to know what happens to the characters and what they might do next.  How will they get off the island, how will Captain Kirk save Earth from the other side of the galaxy, how will Coach Taylor defeat Baby Cloverfield.  All these things required our protagonists to get up and do something, not talk it out for hours on end.  We have plenty of room for dialogued drama in our moviespace, Star Wars is not that realm.  In fact, movies are not that realm, we have Wikipedia for that.  What movies do is bring out a journey, produce the imagery needed to show us worlds or lives that we ourselves cannot experience from behind the computer screen at a cubicle 50 hours a week.  The original Star Wars were just that: a journey.  We followed characters across the galaxy to different, never before imagined planet-scapes, space ships, and alien frequented watering holes.

Abrams will make Star Wars fun again.  He will move our beloved old friends and new heroes across a galaxy in a brand new story that won’t suffer from “7 Hour Origin Story Complex” that Episodes 1-3 forced us to endure.  May the force be with you JJ.  But if you f&*k this up, we will Death Star you in a heartbeat.

Today the folks running the Star Wars shop released the second teaser for Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens.  Feel free to check it out for the 2857296 time and then join us as we break down (yes, Buzz f*&king Feed style) our 10 favorite screenshots from the clip.


I mean, what a way to lead off.  A desert-scape littered with a downed X-Wing and Imperial Battlecruiser?  Epic. It’s like throwing out LeBron and Peak MJ as your pickup basketball game match-up.


Gotta drop a Vader reference, even if it looks a little too Terminator-esque.


Much like the first teaser, I flipped my s&*t when the X-Wings came on.  If only the JSF were built by the same contractor.


The ISIS of Star Wars.  Looks a bit more menacing than the Trade Federation.


Have I mentioned that I’m a pro-Empire fan?  Like maybe a centralizing authority is better than the corrupt, inefficient Republic as a way to manage the galaxy?  And they did bring order to the planets with these Dressed to the Nines Stormtroopers.  Seriously though, can we check the Galactic GDP Rates for the 30 years of Imperial Rule compared to the 30 Old Republic years preceding it?  Are we sure the rebels aren’t funded by the Koch Brothers or something?


And as always, dressed to the nines does not translate into actual battlefield capabilities.



I don’t care if Battlestar Galactica fans will call foul, I’m all on board with Chrome Vader.


Tie Fighter?  Check.  The Falcon?  Check.  A laser shooting chase barreling through the ruins of a downed Battlecruiser?  CHECK!


I’m giving this the benefit of the doubt.  All in on Old Han!  If anything, to see if Harrison Ford can redeem himself for the fourth Indiana Jones movie that never happened.

And with that, see you all at the local IMAX this Christmas.


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