An Ode to Adam Jones: The Coolest Ballplayer Alive

BS sp-p-twins-orioles-sweeney

Since becoming a full time starter in the Baltimore Orioles outfield in 2008, Adam Jones has done nothing but get better.  His on the field merit is as solid as any player in the majors not named Mike Trout:

– 4 time All Star

– 4 time Gold Glove winner

– 2013 Silver Slugger

– Since 2011, averaged 30HRs per season with a .283/.321/.484 slashline and a 118 OPS+ to sport (in an AL East division that has featured pitching from Jon Lester, David Price, that random RA Dickey season, and the pitcher formerly known as CC Sabathia)

In fact, just let this video tell you all you need to know why Seattle Mariners fans will forever curse the name Erik Bedard:

And he isn’t even 30 yet.

But we’re not here to argue balls and strikes.  The statheads over at ESPN and 538 can do that for us.  If you’re a 13 year old boy and you want to choose your favorite athletes, it usually goes beyond their more recent OPS.  And with no disrespect to Mike Trout, Miguel Cabrera, Andrew McCutchen, and Bryce Harper (ok, complete disrespect intended for that last one), but here is why Adam LaMarque Jones is THE coolest ballplayer today.

 AJ is King of the Bubble

Adam Jones bubble gum



In 1951, Topps adding stick of bubble gum to their packages of baseball cards, and the “big league chew” has been synonymous with the sport ever since then.  And Adam Jones is pretty big fan, not just as a way to pass the time, but a master of the of art of bubble gum blowing.  I mean, even his official bobblehead had to include this feat:


Oh, and bubble gum is a pretty good substitute for the cancer inducing chewing tobacco that used to the Spit du Jour of MLB dugouts.  See, Adam Jones is anti-cancer!

AJ is Lightning on the Basepaths

In his day and age, the homerun has become king of the baseball world, both for fans and the Sabr nerds.  In fact, the lost art of the stolen base is making Rickey Henderson weep for the good old days (probably prompting him to un-retire in 2 years), and although Adam Jones isn’t as prolific as say Jose Altuve or Billy Hamilton, he’s got some wheels.

Really, he just can’t help himself and his speed when just getting to first base…

Adam Jones Ump

Baltimore Fans LOVE AJ

Adam Jones

…and he loves’em back

And speaking of pies…

AJ is the Official Pie King of the O’s

When the O’s win big, teammates beware…

Los Angeles Dodgers v Baltimore Orioles - Game Two

Adam Jones Pie 2


But since AJ is usually the one responsible for the Oriolaissance, he’s had it comin his way too

Adam Jones Pie


AJ loves Dogs





I mean come on, who doesn’t love an adorable puppy!  And remember those bubble gum skills?  Well, let’s double dip into the coolness of Adam Jones…


Adam is also big fan of helping out Man’s Best Friend, like the time he shared a pie with a rescue dog for charity…

Have we mentioned the time AJ and Miguel Cabrera made this video?

We’ve been waiting years for two athletes to make a perfect auto-tuned cover of Rihanna’s “Diamond” and these two finally checked that off all our Bucket Lists.  Thank you AJ and Miggy.

While we’re on the topic of videos…

AJ “Put Some Birds On It” Around Baltimore

Yes, that’s Adam Jones and Baltimore second baseman Robert Andino going around New York City slapping Oriole Bird logos on anything and anyone.  If only this was an episode of The Wire, we could’ve had Brother Mouzone involved.

AJ Stole the Oriole Bird’s Hat Once

Honestly, I think Adam looks better in it.

Adam Jones Oriole Bird Hat



But the Oriole Bird didn’t mind because…

AJ and the Oriole Bird are BFFs

Adam Jones Fam Oriole Bird

Just AJ and his family hanging out with the Oriole Bird.

Did we mention AJ has a WWE-style Title Belt?

Aaron Rodgers ain’t got nothing on Adam



Adam Jones Belt

AJ has the BEST Swag in the MLB

The title belt aside, AJ swags it up on the basepaths and off

Adam Jones


Adam Jones Shoes

And yes, those are his O’s colored sneakers

And most importantly…

AJ is the KING of Mid-Atlantic Baseball

That’s right, despite all the pre-season praise being showered on the Orioles’ down the freeway rivals in DC, Adam Jones still runs warning tracks around the fan favorite down south


Here’s to you Adam Jones, the King of the Charm City and the coolest dude on the diamond



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