Well the regular season and playoffs are over, but your gambling addiction marches on!
With a 7-9 finish in Week 16, there was a much earned bye week to avoid more money hemorrhaging. Still, a career best 90-94-5 record over the course of the season is something to boast! If I’m boasting to a coin that’s primary occupation is being flipped. As if that wasn’t enough, losing three straight Playoff Weekend parlays and Seattle doing its best effort to completely handover my heard spent Bovada account means only one thing: let it ride!
Without further ado, your Super Bowl XLIX prop bets, sponsored by XLAX: XLAX, whenever you want to completely unload your money on stupid gambling. XLAX.
Will Idina Menzel forget or omit at least 1 word of the official US National Anthem?
Let’s face it, she’s a stage singer, and probably the best one in the country right now. Her vocals and presence are going to be on the top of her mind, not diction. While we’re here…
How long will it take Idina Menzel to sing the US National Anthem?
OVER 2 minutes and 1 second.
Remember: Broadway. Notes are meant to be held, not hugged.
Which Coach will be mentioned first by name on TV after Kickoff?
Which Coach will be shown first on TV after Kickoff?
Bill Belichick PARLAY 2/1
Deflate-gate has somehow overshadowed an incoming US Congress, State of the Union, wars in Ukraine and Syria, and Emma Stone almost offing Naomi Watts as the only thing the media wants to cover. You’re telling me the 9,285 shot of Belichick isn’t beneath their standards?
New England first score of the game will be?
Passing TD 3/2
While the entire New England passing game revolves around moving the ball across the middle of the field on mid-range passes, this actually somewhat negates the Seattle secondary’s primacy covering deep. As long as Brady delivers, his receiving corps is used to being swallowed up after the catch, a strategy that can pay off against Seattle’s cover D/swarm tactic. And as a bonus…
Will Rob Gronkowski (NE) score a TD in the 1st Half?
Gronk has been playing possum the last month, resting up for this game. Throw in that while Seattle’s passing D is tops in the league, their defense against tight ends is middle of the road, especially in terms of TDs allowed.
Longest Reception – Doug Baldwin (SEA)
OVER 20.5 Yards -115
Crap odds, but you know he always pulls one dumb blown coverage, wide open catch out of his sphincter in the 2nd half. And it will probably make up for the 4 other uneventful catches he’ll have the rest of the game. Hey Coach Carroll, please check out these 2015 Draft WR Rankings, if only for the sake of Russell Wilson’s future QBR.
What will Katy Perry be wearing when she begins the Halftime show?
Shorts (above knees) +200
A) We can only hope
B) The weather will be 70 degrees and sunny, and that’s not taking into account its a dome
C) Her radio playtime has been down since Dark Horse and Taylor Swift yanked the Alpha Female Pop Star belt from Beyonce, so the race is on.
D) We can only hope
Will it be mentioned during the game that Pete Carroll was the last head coach of the Patriots?
I mean, Al Michaels is the sports repository and I’m surprised this hasn’t been brought up more. Free money. The real bet should be if they mention that Pete Carroll is still using the same PED re-up guy from his New England and USC days now in Seattle.
What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team?
Just covering both sides here.
Will a Roughing the Passer penalty be called in the game?
I mean, it’s Tom Brady we’re talking about here…
Total Interceptions – Tom Brady (NE)
I mean, it’s the Seattle secondary we’re talking about here…
Super Bowl XLIX MVP
Marshawn Lynch 9/2
After Russell Wilson decided to retire from playing football last week, it rests on Lynch to come through with a big game against a middle of the pack New England defense that’s built for size up front, but once Lynch breaks into the 2nd level a couple of times, all bets are off. Then again, Lynch has only had back to back 100 yard performances 3 times the last two seasons, so who knows which Jekyll/Hyde Lynch performance we’re gonna get. Either way, his IQ level will definitely remain in the under.
Super Bowl XLIX
Seattle +2 & Over -105
The +2 two is an insult and the fact that Vegas is holding at New England -1 is only because the wise guys want to avoid the first ever Pick’em Super Bowl. And the Over, well just because who the hell want to root for the Under.
Happy Super Bowl everyone and remember, stay away from these picks!