Dear 500 Section Members,
On the eve of the most glorious two weeks of the entire year (akin to an Advent calendar worth of chocolate stuffed inside a Thanksgiving turkey wrapped in an Easter Peep), it has been brought to my attention that our electoral process has already been somewhat compromised.
The 500 Section’s Committee Chair for Chicano Culture, Labor and Construction Material Acquisition has filed an official protest. Upon being unable to produce his papers, said protest was officially stricken from the record and all members of the Committee for Chicano Culture, Labor and Construction Material Acquisition have been “returned”.
However, according to 500 Section by-laws, the aforementioned protest has been made available to the public for review.
There are ideals that are larger than you or me, that have served as the guiding principles of our nation since its founding. Life. Libertad. The pursuit of Catalina
When I came to you for clarification of the rules in advance of the draft, I was given assurances that not just Catalina
but my entire list would be honored in an auto draft. You broke that promise, good sir. You laughed at Tina Fey and her intangibles. You ridiculed Claire Underwood despite her depravity. You made a mockery out of Special Agent Dana Gillian Anderson Scully even though we all know she has aged like a fine wine.
I understand that lesser men may not have the mental capacity to realize that these women are, in fact, 500 Section material. I can forgive that. But I can neither forgive nor abide the exclusion of Colombia’s finest
from a contest that she
was born to win.
I could bear to live with a draft without Sandra Valencia or Daniela Tamayo. I would be crushed not to have Carolina Guerra or Carla Ossa. But Jesús Cristo man, I shall have no part in a system that discriminates against a woman
as perfecta as Catalina
It therefore gives me no pleasure to announce that I will be boycotting voting in this year’s 500 section until Catalina
is incorporated into the list of contestants. Like César Chávez before me, I will stand for justice and lead my people to victory.
What we must do in trying times is not what would be easy, but what is right. You gave me your word, and when a Filipino gives a paisa his palabra, you’ve gotta cumplir.
Long live Señor Vamanos