Monthly Archives: May 2014

Fashion Friday – Maymester

Less words, more style.


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OldTimeFan: ­Speed (non­ingested)

Secretariat Belmont

Glad to have all you “young­uns”  (under 50) give me a peek. I’ll try to make this worth your while with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Yesterday, the Preakness was run at Pimlico in the City of Baltimore. This run for the “Black Eyed Susans” (those are flowers, not a group of dark haired 20 somethings) was won by a horse (it’s a horse race) named California Chrome (which has nothing to do with Platinum LA). Since “CC” also won the Kentucky Derby, murmurs are beginning ranking CC with the greatest race horses of all time. California Chrome has a long way to go.

In 2005 as returning home from Virginia on a cross­country motorhome trip, we (I & and somewhat older companion) stopped at the “Kentucky Horse Park’ outside Lexington, KY. It was like a retirement home for race horses of some acclaim. First  was Cigar who once won 16 races in a row including all 10 in 1995. Better though was John Henry. He raced until he was ten ( a real gray beard for racing). Won horse of the year twice, the second time at age 9. He won 30 Stakes races­­all in all quite an accomplishment. If you want  follow in his hoof steps and run fast, while you can with a little snip­­he was a gelding. But they were not the best. That honor belongs to Secretariat.

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2014 Miss 500

Polly Lead

We have a Miss 500.  And for the 3rd straight year, we have yet to have a US born Miss 500.  Which begs us to ask the question, is America really the greatest country in the world

But I digress.  This moment isn’t for America’s place in the world, but about one lucky Brit’s place in OUR world.  Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present your 2014 Miss 500 Champion:

Miss Polly Parsons

And to borrow an overused bit from a website with a readership a little higher than The 500, we’re going to breakdown Miss Parson’s glory Buzzfeed Style!

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2014 Miss 500 – Championship Match Up

2014 Champs

2014 Miss 500 – Fornicating Four Results

The Contestants

We have come a long way since the draft.  In fact, I’m still not completely sure what happened that night.  But when I awoke some morning after that, I was assured that all had been right with the universe.  Names such as Upton, Decker, Brie, and Munn were safely in the driver seats to take home a lucky $10 Chick Fil A gift card.  Oh what a difference 3 weeks and too many Fireball shots makes.

I would first like to apologize for the delay in results tabulations and polling.  That’s what 24 hours in Delaware will do to you.  On to the contestants!

Polly Parsons

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2014 Miss 500 – The Fornicating Four


We here at The 500 aren’t just about scantily clad women and awful sports predictions.  A little cultural knowledge never hurts either.  On this day, 15 May, in 1648, the Treaty of Westphalia was ratified in the German city of Münster.  The treaty ended the 30 years war and Dutch-Spanish War, pretty much ending the political-religious shitstorm between Catholics and Protestants that Martin Luther prodded over a century earlier.  It also marked the beginning of the sovereign state being the primary political body for international order.  The point is, we’re coming to our final Miss 500 lap and a war for these four definitely has a chance to end in bloodshed.

Other notable factoids about 15 May:

– Josh Beckett, Ryan Leaf, Andy Murray, Dan Patrick, Kathleen Sebelius, Hideki Irabu, Emmett Smith, and Jamie-Lynn Sigler (of Sopranos, Entourage and this Lonely Island music video [!!!] fame) were all born on 15 May.  That’s one hell of a gangbang.

– In 2006, California became the 2nd US state to legalize same-sex marriage, once again proving that California is better than whatever sorry excuse you call a state.

– In 1940, the first McDonald’s opened in San Bernadino, California, once again proving that California…

– Mickey Mouse appeared in his first cartoon (sans pants, obviously) in 1928

– Pitching for the California Angels, Nolan Ryan threw his first of (a MLB record) seven no hitters, once again proving that California…

– Paraguayan Independence Day

– RIP Emily Dickinson (1886, poet)

– Anne Boleyn, Queen of England and wife of serial spouse beheader King Henry VIII, stands trial for treason, adultery, and incest, once again proving that California…

500 Section Casino Odds

J Law (-2.5) vs. Polly Parsons

Alison Brie (-4) vs. Genesis Rodriguez

Fornicating Four Match Ups


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2014 Miss 500 – Fornicating Four Preview

2014 Fornicating Four

Ladies and Gentlemen (and especially ladies because you’re probably the reason we’re with this quad)…you’re 2014 Miss 500 Fornicating Four.

It took some massive GOTV effort on the 500’s part, but with an all-time high turnout of 25 votes case in each poll, we finally eked out a semi-final.  The battle between Mila Kunis and Genesis Rodriguez for this year’s “Racially Ambiguous” match up extravaganza ended in a 13-12 victory, thanks in part to the West Coast (read: LATINO!!!) vote influx late into the night.  Gracias.

To note, there has only been ONE 1,1,2,2 NCAA Final Four seeding, occurring in 2007.  Florida eventually locked up its 2nd title in a row over Ohio State (RIP Greg Oden), Georgetown (RIP Roy Hibbert), and UCLA (RIP…Darren Collison?)

Now, let’s get to know our contestants a little better:

Jennifer Lawrence

J  Law

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2014 Miss 500 – The Erotic Eight


12 May is officially Day of Finnish Identity (it took me about 7 minutes to find something on this day that is relevant, so be easy).

And if you need to know, that individual above is Pia Lamberg, Finnish Model and official pallbearer for all Miss 500 Models 😦

Page 3 Regional Title

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