On Opening Day 2014, the total starting payrolls of all 30 MLB teams will add up to around $3.34 billion dollars. That’s billion with a B, as in Big Money, Bang for your Buck and Bora$$, Scott: SuperAgent. To put that in perspective, that is more than the GDPs of Djibouti and Belize COMBINED. If the MLB players wanted to pool their checks and buy a small piece of East Africa to call their own, no would would stop them (especially if they’ve got Moscow’s backing. Boom! Foreign Policy slam!).
Then again, the retro stadium binge hasn’t really taken of in the Sahel, so we’re stuck with the boys of summer sticking around stateside. With all that money floating around, it continues to beg the question: How the hell does MLB keep raking it in? Baseball games have begun to stretch into the Lord of the Rings sector of the Space/Time continuum. The games are everyday, so missing one isn’t exactly going to ruin your season. And the Sports Gods have yet to figure out the antidote to 4th Inning-itis, where every trip to a ball game, no matter May or October, San Diego sunshine or Toronto overcast, always induces a lull by the 4th inning where the pre-pitch beers are settling in and you’re too lazy to get another dog.
Less words, more style.
“It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.”
– Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Clausewitz and Sun Tzu are like the Bird and Magic of tactical conflict studies. Yet, their words should not be restrained to the arena of physical confrontation. Gentlemen, what we face day in and day out is a battle for acceptance, acknowledgement, and appreciation from a far greater enemy than armies or navies. Yes, that foe is woman.
If war is politics by another means, then courtship is just plain old war. As any general will tell you, victory is only as attainable as the quality of your intelligence.
So, without further ado, The 500 Section Subcommittee on Fashion, Arts, and High Culture would like to lend a helping hand and let you dabble in today’s women’s fashion that’s on the in. The more you know about what a female is interested in, the better off both of you will be. And judging from the wardrobes of 500 readers, a little culture in our lives won’t hurt. Gotta keep up your swag if you wanna swag, boys.
Finally, to all of our female reader, this is a tip of our fedora to your continued (albeit bewildering) dedication!