(NOTE: If you want to skip right to the voting, just scroll down. We won’t judge. We’ll just egg your house later)
We lost Denzel.
I don’t know how or why, but we lost him. And to pre-Bourne Matt Damon and pre-Argo Ben Affleck. By a score of 9-4, Training Day got bum rushed by Good Will Hunting, but the perennial question “The Streets of Compton or the Streets of Southie?” will rage on.
Training Day’s invitation to let you ride shotgun with Denzel doing his most Denzel ever (with a real shotgun later on!) as Officer Alonzo Harris was quite a treat for 13 year old Mik. Yes, this flick might just be a rawer, more up to date bizzaro-buddy cop movie built on a story of corrupt LAPD cops, so “what else is new” might be the only warranted justification for not liking Training Day. But my word, this script! Even if the ad-lib to cue card balance is out of whack, this thing is loaded with memorable quotes. A few of our favorites if you permit:
- Myyyyy N&&&*A!
- Officer Hoyt!
- Alonzo: You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, n&*%a!
- All that jelly and no toast
- Hey pig, you ever had your shit pushed in? Your shit pushed in. Simple question.
- You know I’m surgical with this bitch Jake!
- Alonzo Harris: What’s that?Blue: Motherfucking crack, man.Alonzo: That’s right, Jimmy Crack Corn. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh, you’re federally fucked now. You got crack… and a gun. You know with your record you can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon’ gimme a name.
- Officer Hoyt: What’s “wet”?Alonzo: Butt-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That’s what you had. That’s what you were smoking, you couldn’t taste it?
- The shit’s chess, it ain’t checkers!
And a favorite, underrated scene from the whole movie, with a grand crescendo of a quote at the end. 8th Grade Mik might have been able to quote this entire clip.
And my word, how we forget these three AMAZING cameo appearances from Macy Gray
AND Dr. Dre?
And we haven’t even mentioned indie favorite Ethan Hawke? Down goes Fraser is all I can say…
So yes, Training Day not making the Sweet 16 is a travesty. And even worse, we are all without Denzel for the rest of this ride through the Section 8 of movie brackets. And any less Denzel is always a bad thing.
And oh by the way, this in no way is this a knock on Good Will Hunting. Top notch flick with a top notch scene (better than the “apples” scene in this person’s opinion)
Upon Further Review…The Freddie Prinz Jr. Award
So we here at The 500 would like to apologize to our female reader(s ?) for the unjustifiable oversight to include our own Male Heartthrob Award aka The Freddie Prinz Jr. We want to reassure all that we didn’t mean this as a personal slight and fully embrace the appreciation of all beautiful celebrities regardless of sex. As always, our commitment to women’s issues is exemplified in our slogan: The 500 Section – Making Feminism Look Like Creationism!
Here’s to the ladies! (for putting up with us!)
- Seann William Scott in American Pie
- Ashton Kutcher in Dude Where’s My Car
- Freddie Prinz Jr in She’s All That
- Josh Gordon-Levitt in 10 Things
- Heath Ledger in 10 Things
- Jonathan Bennett in Mean Girls
- Ryan Philippe in Cruel Intentions
- Ryan Gosling in The Notebook
- James Van Der Beek in Varsity Blues
- Mark Wahlberg in The Italian Job
- Luke Wilson in Old School
- Brendan Fraser in The Mummy
- Casper Van Dien in Starship Troopers
- Matt Damon in Bourne Identity and Good Will Hunting
- Brad Pitt in Fight Club and Ocean’s 11
- Orlando Bloom in Lord of the Rings
- Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic
- George Clooney in Ocean’s 11 and Oh Brother
Your Powerhouse Flicks (Sponsored by AOL)
Voting this round was pretty close except for these 4 blowouts:
– (5) Super Bad 12 vs. (4) Road Trip 1
RIP Tom Green.
– (3) 10 Things I Hate About You – 10 vs. (11) Legally Blonde – 2
The age old heart vs. head vs. Reese Witherspoon conundrum
– (3) The Mummy – 11 vs. (6) The Fast and The Furious – 1
RIP Paul Walker. This was probably the most difficult life decision this writer has ever made besides “Arbys or Chipotle?” and the 2014 World Cup Germany vs. USA matchup. Wait, who am I kidding, DIE MANNSCHAFT!!! (bites into burrito)
Your Upset Specials (Sponsored by Pepto Bismol)
– (5) Gladiator – 7 vs. (4) Black Hawk Down – 6
How dare you. HOW DARE ALL OF YOU!
– (6) Good Will Hunting – 9 vs. (3) Training Day – 4
– (5) Super Bad – 12 vs. (4) Road Trip – 1
Wait, how was this even seeded as an upset?
– (10) South Park – 8 vs. (2) The Replacements – 4
I smell a massive South Park write up coming that no one will read…
Your Buzzer Beaters (Sponsored by that timer thing in Taboo)
(1) Old School – 7 vs. (9) Men in Black – 6
We might have had to pull some 1960 Chicago Democratic politics on this one
(2) Cruel Intentions – 7 vs. (10) Mean Girls – 6
Setting us up for a MASSIVE 10 Things vs. Cruel Intentions matchup. We might have to PPV the next article.
On to the Sweet 16!