2013 Miss 500 – Erotic Eight Roundup

2013 Ms 500 Final Four

We have a Final Four.

There have been only two Final Four’s in NCAA history without a #1 seed, 2006 and 2011 (history in this case being since 1985 because that’s the year college basketball revolutionized the basketball world an implemented the shot clock.  Oh wait, sorry, that was 21 years after the NBA and even 13 years after the NCAA women’s basketball implementations.  The NCAA: Where [Social] Progress Goes to Die!).  It took the sophomore season of the Miss 500 Tournament to earn that distinction.

The 2012 tournament witnessed perennial powerhouses Stacey Kiebler, Kate Upton and Adriana Lima make it into the Final Four.  This time around, Upton fell faster than a Matt Barkley on draft day and Adriana Lima was gone before the Oh So Sweet 16.  Kiebler and last year’s champion Catrinel Menghia were unable to ride their name recognition (because that’s what we’re voting for, right? Wait, we could Google Image these people? RESTART!!!!) to the Final Four.  Instead, we have three relative newcomers and one Natalie Portman.  On Sunday, we will have a full preview of our delectable final four, but for now may we have four well worthy contestants:

2012 Kristin Kreuk Award recipient: Oliva Munn

Miss Jewish Hotty 2006-2012: Natalie Portman

2013 Miss 500 Rookie of the Year: Sara Jean Underwood

Miss 500 Euro Championship Belt: Georgia Salpa

As always, your round round-up

Blow(out) Jobs

– Although at one point all matches were 7-6, two contestants were able to pull away in the fourth quarter:

(5) Natalie Portman vs. (2) Catrinel Menghia:  14-9

(2) Sarah Jean Underwood vs. (1) Brooklyn Decker: 14-9

*Is it cold in here or are those nips shooting through your t-shirt for another reason?  Catrinel Menghia, the 2012 Miss 500, offensive deluge comes to an end with a cold shooting night (2/14) from 3PT territory.

Just the (Buzzer Beater) Tip!

(3) Georgia Salpa vs. (1) Stacey Kiebler : 12-11

(3) Olivia Munn vs. (5) Emma Watson: 12-11

Lucky number three.  Now that Emma Watson is free from the pressure of the tournament, who knows what the future holds! (please be a sex tape, please be a sex tape, PLEASE BE A SEX TAPE!)

Bottom or Top? Your Upset Specials!

– 1 is the loneliest number.  Both of the remaining #1s (Stacey Kiebler and Brooklyn Decker) go down, and in the UMW going down kind of way.  Their and the world’s loss.

– The Final Four this year consists of total seeding of 13 (2+3+3+5).  Pre-tournament books had the Final Four seeding total over/under at 9.5: Over (+150) Under (-200).  Congratulations on all you winners!

Your Round of 32 upsets:

(2) Sara Jean Underwood

(3) Georgia Salpa

(5) Natalie Portman

Mandatory “Always Sunny” Break



Two Americans holding on to our inner patriotism.  An Israeli holding on to our non-Western curiosities.  And an Irish/Greek holding down the Eurozone.  BOOM!

American – 2

Israeli – 1

Irish/Greek – 1


And you thought they were kidding when they say NYC and LA are the greatest cities in all the land.

Model – 2

Singer – 0

Actress – 2

Athletes – 0

Jodi Arias’s – 0

Emma Watson’s – 0

Adult Performer – 0

Held in captivity for 10 years – ???

George Clooney’s Plaything(s) – 0

Hair Color

Someone born and raised in Harford County, MD is getting very, very worried

Blonde – 1

Brunette – 3

Redhead – 0

The Conor Marshall Contestants

(3) Olivia Munn

Miss 500 Chick-Fil-A Challenge

Matty G selected SJU with the last pick in the draft.  Mrs. Irrelevant.  Who would have thought.  And he doesn’t even like Chick Fil A!!!

Scotty Z – 1

Kyle – 1

Barnwell – 1

Matty G – 1

Matches to watch in the Final Four – The Half-Asian Sports Guys Vegas Take

(5) Natalie Portman vs. (3) Georgia Salpa

I don’t get it.  It’s because of the syrup picture isn’t it guys?  Portman has an Oscar!!!!  We all know who runs the banks, so if they make an offer to save their beloved Portman, the 500 Committee might not turn it down.   Prediction: Georgia Salpa – 11 vs. Natalie Portman – 10

(2) Sara Jean Underwood vs. (3) Olivia Munn

GOP vs. Democratic Party:  Prediction: Sara Jean Underwood – 13 vs. Olivia Munn – 8

Erotic Eight results are in the bracket below and in the Google Doc that you all should have access to:

2013 Ms. 500 Bracket – Erotic Eight


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Filed under Miss 500, Pop Culture

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