2013 Miss 500 Tournament – Round of Dirty 32 Roundup

Round of 32

Four very different contenders.  Each with their own pros and (very few) cons.  And apparently all more decisive than Congress.  But unlike that grouping of amoral individuals, the 500 Section prevailed to determine an outcome.  Olga Kurylenko, Emma Watson, Scarlett Johannson, and Natasha Yi prevailed on last second shots to overcome their opponents.  A Miss 500 first with 4 shot clock game winners!  Thank you anonymous provisional ballot voter for your clutch performance…and vote earlier next time a&%hole.

As always, a breakdown of the results and what lies ahead:

Blow(out) Jobs

– No unanimous winners in round one, but offensive deluges from two of our fine contenders:

(2) Catrinel Menghia vs. (7) Candice Swanepoel:  14-5

(2) Sara Jean Underwood vs. (10) Christina Hendricks: 14-5

Just the (Buzzer Beater) Tip!

(2) Olga Kurylenko vs. (10) Blake Lively: 10-9

(5) Emma Watson vs. (4) Catalina Otalvaro: 10-9

(4) Scarlett Johansson vs. (12) Adriana Lima: 10-9

(3) Natasha Yi vs. (6) Kate Beckinsale: 10-9

Bottom or Top? Your Upset Specials!

– Our first Number One falls!  UK bombshell Keeley Hazell falls to American silver lining sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence.  The Marry Her vs. Holiday Inn Express Her theory at work!

– The Alison Brie train continues to surge forward with an 11-8 victory over Czech lovely Veronica Varekova.

– The Vivid Region  is immune to such whimsies as upsets.  A typical 1-2-3-4 setup.

Your Round of 32 upsets:

(15) Alison Brie

(12) Marisa Miller

(8) Jennifer Lawrence

(5) Emma Watson

Mandatory “Archer” Break



Natalie Portman is single-handedly holding down the non-US/European spot

American – 11

British – 1

Romanian – 1

Israeli – 1

Irish/Greek – 1

Ukrainian – 1


All Adult Performers have been eliminated.  The 500 Section Steering Committee is very disappointed in all of you.  All. Of. You.

Model – 6

Singer – 0

Actress – 8

Athletes – 0

Business Management Consultants – 0

Emma Watson’s – 1

Adult Performer – 0

Plan B OTC Purchasers – ???

George Clooney’s Plaything(s) – 1

Hair Color

The Vivid Region consists of 4 American Blondes and has been renamed the S**** Ba**** Region.  Also, death knell for the gingers.

Blonde – 8

Brunette – 8

Redhead – 0

The Conor Marshall Contestants

(3) Natasha Yi and (3) Olivia Munn, not classic CM Rule contestants, but are nonetheless holding down our affirmative action vote

Miss 500 Chick-Fil-A Challenge

Dooley takes a 3 loss hit and Schroll and Sam are eliminated

Scotty Z – 2

Kyle – 2

Bailey – 2

Biddle – 2

Dooley – 1

Barnwell – 1

Austin – 1

Matty G – 1

Mik – 1

Charles – 1

Hollister – 1

Evan – 1

Matches to watch in the (Oh So!) Sweet 16 – The Half-Asian Sports Guys Vegas Take

(2) Olga Kurylenko vs. (3) Georgia Salpa

What passes as an exotic matchup left in this folly of a tournament.  No matter who wins, the European contingent is going to take a hit.  Prediction: Olga Kurylenko – 10 vs. Georgia Salpa – 7

(3) Olivia Munn vs. (15) Alison Brie

The ultimate nerd/thinking man’s matchup.  Will Alison Brie’s charm and Mad Men-ness (our last of the show) continue her FGCU impersonation or will the cerebral (the dirtiest non-dirty word in English) Olivia Munn put her away.  Prediction: Alison Brie – 9 vs. Olivia Munn – 8

(5) Emma Watson vs. (8) Jennifer Lawrence

Hogwarts vs. District 12.  Prediction: Jennifer Lawrence – 9 vs. Emma Watson – 8

(1) Brooklyn Decker vs. (4) Scarlett Johansson

The only Marry vs. Holiday Inn Express matchup in this round.  Prediction: Brooklyn Decker – 11 vs. Scarlett Johansson – 6

Round of Dirty 32 results are in the bracket below and in the Google Doc that you all should have access to:

2013 Ms. 500 Bracket – Round of 32


Leave a comment

Filed under Miss 500, Pop Culture

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s