A wise man once asked “Wait, what are we voting for?” to which a wiser man responded “The women.”
After three arduous weeks of debate, discourse, manslaughter, Google-ing, and democratic exercising, we have selected a champion for this year’s tournament.
May I present to you your 2013 Miss 500, Miss Natalie Portman.
(Hold for Applause)
Born 9 June 1981 as Natalie Hershlag in Jerusalem, Israel, Natalie Portman has actually been a strong candidate for Most Perfect Womandom for many years going. Acting with the likes of Gary Oldman since 1994, Portman has matured both on the screen and in our hearts. Amidst a field of many talents and beauty, Portman is able to pull of a chameleon like presence.
In the NCAA tournament, only three #5 seeds ever made it into the National Title game, ’00 Florida, ’02 Indiana, and ’10 Butler. Each team lost to a #1 seed in that final game. There has never been a #2 vs. #5 match up in the NCAA championship game. Once again, the 500 Section makes history and sets the stage for two very different, and only a month ago very unlikely contenders.
There have been only two Final Four’s in NCAA history without a #1 seed, 2006 and 2011 (history in this case being since 1985 because that’s the year college basketball revolutionized the basketball world an implemented the shot clock. Oh wait, sorry, that was 21 years after the NBA and even 13 years after the NCAA women’s basketball implementations. The NCAA: Where [Social] Progress Goes to Die!). It took the sophomore season of the Miss 500 Tournament to earn that distinction.
The longest basketball games on record both went 6 overtimes. On 6 January 1951, the Indianapolis Olympians defeated the Rochester Royals 75-73. But that was before the shot clock/Brown vs. Board, so that doesn’t really count. On 12 March 2009 (and into the next morning), Syracuse and UConn went at it until the Orange pulled out a 127-117 victory. In 1953, a Boston Celtics vs. Syracuse Nationals game lasted so long, two players logged 67+ minutes in the affair. To put that into perspective, that’s like finished a “love cycle” with a UMW girl 67 times.