2013 Miss 500 Tournament

2013 Ms. 500 Bracket

Ladies and Gentlemen,

At this moment I would like to take a moment and recognize the great efforts our country has put forth over the past two weeks.  Despite years of vigilance and far too often dramatic changes to our way of life, our nation has stood strong.  Shoulder to shoulder, against all odds we have sustained the vanguard against to evil entities that very recently reigned havoc on our very soil and citizenry.

That’s right, the Los Angeles Lakers are out of the NBA Playoffs and Tim Tebow has been cut.  I want to thank the men in uniform ,the first responders, the leaders and common folk that came together as one to make our nation, and world, a better place.

Moment of Silence for those we have lost in the face of this Axis of Evil

Now, on to the Tournament!

Thanks to the Conor Marshall Rule, we have a plethora of exotic candidates in this year’s bracket.  As always, a breakdown of the field:


(as always, USA! USA! USA! dominates the board, you uncultured f**ks )

American – 38

Russian – 1

Indian – 1

Mexican – 1

Brazilian – 3

Romanian – 1

Iranian – 1

South African – 1

Ukrainian – 1

C0lumbian – 2

Israeli – 4

Greek/Irish – 1

Czech – 2

British – 6

Spanish/Dutch – 1


Model – 20

Singer – 2

Actress – 36

Athletes – 2

Lawyers – 0

Emma Watson’s – 1

Adult Performer – 3

Albanian Politicians – 0

George Clooney’s Plaything(s) – 1

Hair Color

(Big year for the brown hair as well as the brown ladies!)

Blonde – 22

Brunette – 37

Redhead – 4

Ruby Knox – 1 (due to internet restrictions placed on DOD computers, hair color could not be verified at this moment)



The Dirty Dozen – The Half-Asian Sports Guys Vegas Take

Somehow our 12 seeds reek of upset potential.  Marisa Miller (possible 2004 Miss 500 winner), Bar Refaeli (2012 Miss 500 Sweet 16 finalist), Olivia Wilde (the only lasting legacy from the show HOUSE), and somehow Adriana Lima, the 2012 Miss 500 Runner-Up.  Granted, she’s married to Marko Jaric and probably should be banned for that decision alone.  Still, if you’re looking for some easy upset odds action, look no further than the Dirty Dozen.

Because We’re Friends with Steve Bailey

For the protection of our current and/or future significant others, whoever these sorry, lost souls are, we have instigated the Steve Bailey Rule: all Miss 500 Tournament content is password protected.  The good news: the password is “dodgers13”.

And with that, LET THE VOTING…BEGIN!!!!


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Filed under Miss 500, Pop Culture

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